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Therapeutics of Presence

With a solid presence we can melt, we can let go.

I often get asked ‘because you are a midwife will you need a midwife when you give birth or deliver your own baby?’
I always respond the same; yes of course I will have a midwife! I want to be able to relax and let go and be a birthing mum and let someone else hold that space!

Some of my Craniosacral clients ask me if they can do the work on themselves, hold their own sacrum and get similar results. Or if as a practitioner if I can ‘CST’ myself?
While of course we all have the ability to positively affect our own nervous systems. Yet to have the reflection, the presence of another, takes our ability to become present with ourselves to a whole other level!

The power of empathy: how being heard calms the body, is a great article on the subject. We all need our space to be held sometimes. We are not meant to be in this life alone.

We are after all, mammals that seek out other mammals.

I was so grateful to come home to my partner the other night after a long, tough birth. It was such a relief to have sometime to talk to, someone to curl into. I thought back to all the years I came home after hours and hours, sometimes days of giving as a midwife to an empty home, to an empty bed, to be with myself. For me I feel the presence of my mate supports me to feel safer, let go easier, let it all wash off quicker.

During birth what more do most woman actually need besides to feel safe, to be able to let go, to melt?
Not a lot.

We were talking today in hypnobirthing class about the importance of moving and speaking slower with a woman when she is giving birth. The pace in which she is able to process information sloooooows, she is in a very instinctual part of her brain. As birth companions we must learn to move at her pace to support her well. To show her we hear her, to let her know she is safe, to respect her. We don’t pity her; -we have empathy for her.

Like each of the participants in class did for me today. I was tired and a bit drained out by supporting a family through labor the day before. I put it to them what I needed to get us through the class with ease.
A bit of loving compassion and reminding me where I was going, should I get lost in a thought.
They heard me and responded so beautifully. I felt their presence, their eyes filled with kindness, acceptance. We had a few good laughs, and the class went great.

I hope we will all pay a bit more attention to the type of presence we give each other.

I hope we will all get more and more comfortable with asking for what we need from the people we spend time with.

I hope people who work with birthing woman will learn how to have an empathic presence.

I hope the medical systems that surround those birth workers will prioritize them, so they feel they can prioritize the mother.

I hope we will all learn to prioritize ourselves. Especially as birth workers, it is so hard to give what we need to give when our resource cups are not full.